DETOX from relationships
1. What are toxic relationships?
Since we are human beings, one of the most important needs is to live and function in healthy interpersonal relationships. Unfortunately, many people don't know what a healthy and functional interpersonal relationship looks like, so they engage in toxic relationships without even being aware of it. In the simplest definition of a toxic relationship, it would look like this: any relationship in which we don't feel like our own is a toxic relationship. This implies a wide range of relationships. From the conflicting ones, to the subtle passive-aggressive ones, through the manipulative ones, with the goal of controlling the other person. Also, toxic relationships can be in a variety of relationships; parent-child, with friends, with your love partner, business partner or any other, but what is important is not what role the relationship plays, but what the emotional basis of that relationship is. Of course, the most destructive for us are relationships with people who are of the greatest emotional importance to us.
2. How do we find ourselves in a toxic relationship?
There is no simpler definition than that - your choice! Exactly. No less and no more. Although this is difficult to understand, we are responsible for being in a toxic relationship of any kind. The beginning of our choices has its roots in who we really are. What are our beliefs. What is our personality structure. How do we stand with self-esteem? What is our value system towards ourselves and other people? Ultimately, how and in what way we make the decision to stay in relationships that don’t fulfill us. The most common personality profiles that are on the side of the "victim", the one who suffers from a toxic relationship, are people who are not confident enough, and have a predominance of guilt towards everything, especially towards themselves. They feel guilty about everything that happens in the outside world. Such personality structures usually come from dysfunctional families with undefined roles and are therefore easy targets for the other half of the toxic relationship, the "manipulator". And whatever you do, no matter how hard you try and behave, is never enough for this other half, and the "victim" is constantly thinking; "I must have said something bad", "I'm not good enough", "If I was better, everything would be different", "I have to work harder"...
3. What are the warning signs that we are in a toxic relationship?
4. How to get out of a toxic relationship?
Mostly the way we got in. By decision! But it is more complicated now because when we make such a decision it is not easy when we are already "wounded" and we have beliefs that something is wrong with us.
''Problems in relationship occur because each person is concentrating on what is missing in the other person.” - Wayne Dyer
What is even more important is that toxic relationships have arisen through our participation in them, because as long as we are part of such a relationship it will last. The moment we decide to get out of a toxic relationship, it no longer exists. Getting out of a toxic relationship has only one direction, and that is outward. Also, what you need to know is that there is no justification for staying in relationships where we feel sad, at any cost. Also, you need to know that you are capable, valuable, significant just like the other person in that relationship (the one who constantly demands and expects something from you). You also need to know the difference between love and respect and disrespect. How can love be a feeling of inferiority or any other negative feeling? So what are your reasons for staying in toxic relationships? Imagine... Do the list of all the reasons (excuses) and talk to yourself about it. This is of inestimable importance. Trust me. Because, if you listen well to yourself and it becomes important for you to understand what you say to yourself, you will easily move on.
5. The ability to say NO is everything.
To be respected, you need to know yourself and put yourself first. In order to be respected, you must learn how to say NO to yourself and others! Especially to others. Because why would you eat a chocolate cake, if you want to eat a fruit cake? I can't find any reason. However, practice says that many people eat a piece of chocolate cake so that the other person would not get angry. What is the correlation between his anger and your decision to eat a chocolate cake? Think for yourself. You will soon realize that the relationship is only in your head, colored by irrational conclusions that make you insecure and dissatisfied.
6. Are you still in a toxic relationship?
I wouldn't say.
Work on yourself.
Don't forget :-)