10:00 p.m. We go home to get our hospital bag. I'm only 39 weeks pregnant and only partially packed. I knew that the baby could 'go out' any day and any second, but I always had the feeling that it wouldn't happen that soon. Mayla was born at 36 weeks, a month early, and the moment I passed that due date with Meli, I breathed a sigh of relief. Ugh, what a relief.
Although most of this pregnancy went well, at the beginning it wasn't exactly like that: I had bleeding for the entire 2nd and 3rd months (luckily, minor), but I worried every day and thought: here we go again, complications. Who knows how it will end. After one bad experience, you're just blowing a fuse. Let alone when you have some symptoms.
However, at one point, a beautiful, healthy pregnancy begins in which I feel good, really good. I put myself high on the list of priorities and invest effort and time in being the best version of myself mentally and physically and all the things I didn't actually do in my first pregnancy. I simply didn't know everything I know now.
I started prenatal massages, occasional acupuncture, and weekly hypnobirthing education for childbirth with a woman who believed in me as a woman more than I did myself. A woman who brought me closer to my feminine energy, went through all the stages of pregnancy, changes, fears, and expectations with me. Because we are a combination of all our experiences, but also marked by generations ago, and even by how we came into this world. All of that marks us. But also, I consciously organized a time that I knew would bring me peace, good mood, and oxytocin (the hormone of happiness).
For 9 months, I dreamed of a natural birth after a cesarean. For me, it had many meanings and something I really wanted to experience. I had a really difficult past recovery from a cesarean, but still - the desire to fall in love again and create another being was simply stronger than anything. We women sometimes draw strength from empty sources.
I had two options: if I go for a natural birth and if everything goes perfectly, in that case I will go to a state hospital that supports natural birth after a cesarean. If for some reason it turns out that there is a chance of some potential complication before the birth, I will go privately, for a cesarean section. So I went to two places for checkups in parallel, respecting both their protocols, but also my own wishes.
However, that evening, on Easter, most of what I wanted and imagined simply seemed impossible. My doctor at the state hospital was neither nearby nor would he be on duty during my stay there. I can't say, everyone was helpful, kind, explained everything to me, but when I was a little restless... The amniotic fluid supposedly broke, the test showed a positive result, but again, there was some blood that could affect the accuracy of the test results. That blood could have been harmless, or it could have been the beginning of something more serious. I have to decide whether I go into that uncertainty and a bunch of potential scenarios or go where I know what awaits me.
And so in the middle of the night, we make a decision, we take that hospital bag and I call Dr. Petra Podobnik and tell her: I'm coming! Are you there? She says: "We're waiting for you. We'll be ready."
These things decided me: I wanted Filip to be with me, because this was the first time we didn't have that opportunity. I wanted him to be part of one of the biggest and most beautiful events of our lives. I wanted our visitation time to be longer and more beautiful, to spend more time with the baby, I wanted him to sleep and be next to me all night if necessary. To be informed about everything: both about my procedures, but also for the baby, to determine for myself how much privacy, silence or, on the other hand, support I need from the nurses and doctors without feeling uncomfortable if I'm boring or if I need more help :-).
All in all - sometimes plans change - but probably for a reason that the One above knows best. This little beauty of ours is great, we hug, kiss and cuddle non-stop. And yes, spring is a really nice time to have a baby :). And thank you for being here and thank you for reading. π«Άπ§‘
P.s. In that name, use my code LANA20 for everything on this page. Both for the baby collection, and for all other La PIEL products (click on the pictures).
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